


The Fairly OddParents: Stand Up For Yourself

by lieutenantskell



Category: Fairly OddParents, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Butch Hartman Strike Me Down, Episode Script, Gen, Humor, Rabies, Stand Arrow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-28 23:15:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20434079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lieutenantskell/pseuds/lieutenantskell
Summary: When Timmy is nearly bored to death in line at the DMV, he passes the time by looking through a magical guidebook and comes across a bizarre arrow. He obtains a mysterious 'stand', but one of his mortal enemies also obtains one. Meanwhile, Cosmo grapples with a traumatic experience concerning a rat.





	The Fairly OddParents: Stand Up For Yourself

The Fairly OddParents

Season X, Episode Y

[ The intro plays. ]

[ Vicky’s head is turned into the Stand Arrow. Title card reads “Stand Up For Yourself”. ]

[ Establishing shot of the DMV. Zoom in to show Timmy and Timmy’s dad standing in line. ]

Timmy: So...Mind telling me why we’re here again?

Timmy’s Dad: Well, Timmy, seeing as you will soon be a man at the ripe old age of 12, it’s about time you learned about the very ADULT process of being at our local Department Of Motor Vehicles! This is where you get your driver’s license, where you fill out parking tickets, and do all kinds of cool, ADULT-RELATED things!

Timmy: ...This really doesn’t seem like something I’d consider ‘cool’, dad. We’re just waiting in line!

Timmy’s Dad: But this IS cool! Watch!

[ The person in front of them steps forward. Timmy and Timmy’s dad move forward one spot in line. Timmy’s dad keeps up his smile for a few seconds before breaking down into tears and falling to his knees. ]

Timmy’s Dad: Oh, who am I kidding?! It’ll be hours before we get to the front desk! This is inhumane! INHUMANE, I TELL YOOOU!

[ An employee approaches him. ]

Employee: Sir, you’re in the wrong line. The line for people wishing to resolve a mental breakdown is down the hall.

[ Pan to a line of people curled up in the fetal position and/or crying, with a board above them labeled ‘<---- MENTAL BREAKDOWN RESOLUTION’ ]

Timmy’s Dad: [ He gets up and turns to Timmy, sniffling. ] Timmy, you stay here and keep our place in line, while I go sob and fill out more paperwork.

[ Timmy’s Dad walks away. Timmy digs into his pocket and pulls out a few spare pencils, which are poofed into Cosmo and Wanda. ]

Wanda: Is your dad gonna be alright, sport? He seemed pretty...distraught.

Timmy: He’ll be fine. He did this when we were in the ice cream shop, too. Man, this stinks...what am I supposed to do while waiting in line?!

Cosmo: Don’t worry, Timmy! Fairies have to do this aaaall the time. 

Timmy: You’ve been to the DMV before, Cosmo?

Cosmo: Huh?! The DMV?! I hate that place!! Y-You didn't tell me we were THERE! It’s TORTURE in here! [ Cosmo snaps in half from the stress, yelling. ]

Wanda: Well, maybe we could provide something for you to do! Paddleball? Oh, maybe we could help you with that big project you have to do for school tomorrow!

Timmy: I want something to entertain me, not something to bore me to death FASTER.

[ Cut to Cosmo on the ground. ]

Cosmo: Heyyy, I have an idea! Why don’t we give him ‘The Big Stupid Book Of Magical Creatures And Objects’?!

Wanda: [ From offscreen ] Cosmo!!

Cosmo: I-I mean, uh, uh, d-don’t listen to me! I’m just a pencil! I’m not even made of real wood!

[ Cut to Timmy. ]

Timmy: ‘The Big Stupid Book Of Magical Creatures And Objects’? What’s that?

Wanda: [ Sigh. ] It’s a [ Glare at Cosmo on the ground ] previously secret…

[ Momentarily cut to Cosmo on the ground whistling innocently. ]

Wanda: ...handbook of all of the magical creatures and objects in the world, used by fairy researchers! We don’t usually let godkids use it, since then it leads to all kinds of trouble. It’s never ends well when you put lots of different kinds of magic in one place!

Timmy: ...It sounds kinda boring. Does it have pictures?

Wanda: ...Well--

Cosmo: [ From offscreen. ] Tons of them!

Timmy: Then I wish I had the ‘Big Stupid Book Of Magical Creatures And Objects’!

[ Wanda sighs and holds up her wand. With a “KA-BOOK!’ sound effect and some swirling pink mist, Timmy holds his hands out. A book almost as big as him falls into his hands and crushes them, making him drop Wanda. ]

Timmy: OW! This thing’s enormous!

[ Cut to Wanda on the floor. ]

Wanda: Fairies can just make things float, so we don’t really need to take size into consideration when we make a book! 

Cosmo: [ From offscreen. ] Hi, Wanda!

[ Pan to the right. Cosmo’s upper pencil half is next to her. ]

Cosmo: Welcome to the wonderful world of...The Floooor! I found a nickel down here once!

[ A rat runs by and picks up Cosmo in its mouth, running away as Cosmo yells. Cut to Timmy straining under the book. ]

Timmy: I-I wish for a pocket version!

[ With a ‘POCKETED!’ sound effect, the book now fits in his hands. Timmy opens it. ]

Timmy: Let’s see...Pixies, know them...Elves, know them...Genies, ooh, definitely know them...Politicians? Huh. Whaddya know...Alright, magical objects...Hey, what’s this? 

[ Wanda, still as a pencil, hovers up to eye level with Timmy. ]

Wanda: What’s what?

[ Cut to the book. Timmy points to an illustration of a golden-tinted arrow with a brown wooden shaft. The picture is captioned ‘Stand Arrow’. Wanda sighs. ]

Wanda: Oh boy…

Timmy: It says here that anybody pierced by the arrow gets...magical powers?! And a special ghost-like being only THEY can see called a ‘stand’?! That sounds awesome! 

Wanda: Now, sport, I know what you’re thinking…

[ Wanda poofs her head to transform it into Timmy’s, giving it the impression of a head on the end of a pencil. ]

Wanda: [ In Timmy’s voice ] I want a stand! It’ll be awesome! I wish I had a stand arrow! 

[ Wanda poofs back to normal. ] 

Wanda: And then, through some series of wacky circumstances, you’ll end up in trouble and have to wish that everything was back to normal.

Timmy: Oh, c’mon, Wanda. You always have such little faith in me! I mean, what’s the worst that could happen that we couldn’t roll back with a simple wish-away?

[ Wanda opens her mouth, then closes it. ]

Wanda: ...Good point.

Timmy: Then...I wish I had a stand arrow!

[ Wanda grits her teeth and raises her wand. With an unceremonious ‘ARROW!’ sound effect, the arrow falls in Timmy’s hands. He holds it up triumphantly as the music swells. The music abruptly stops as he lowers it and stares at it. ]

Timmy: ...I should probably take this outside. People might get suspicious if they see a ten-year-old with a sharp object!

Wanda: But what about your dad’s place in line?

[ Timmy looks over to the Mental Breakdown Resolution line. Timmy’s Dad is still sobbing. The line moves one person forward and he stops crying to take a step forward before resuming. ]

Timmy: ...I’m sure he can handle it himself.

[ Cut to behind the DMV. Wanda is in her full fairy form. ]

Timmy: So...uh, how did this work again? And where’s Cosmo?

[ Cosmo appears, looking like he was chewed on substantially. ]

Cosmo: Ooohhhh...I’m never going to the wonderful world of The Floor ever again! And I think I have rabies from that rat that chewed on me. 

Wanda: It said that ‘anyone pierced by the arrow will gain a stand’, Timmy. 

Timmy: So, what, do I just stab myself, or-- [ Timmy accidentally pricks his finger on the tip. ] --YEEOOWW!! 

[ He goes into convulsions before passing out on the ground. Wanda lowers herself to his level, frowning. ]

Wanda: Timmy! A-Are you alright?!

Cosmo: Ah! I must have given him rabies too! I need to be quarantined! 

[ Cosmo wishes himself into a quarantine suit. ]

Timmy: [ From offscreen ] Nah, guys, I’m alright...in fact, I feel better than ever!

[ Pan to Timmy, who slowly and dramatically gets up...before striking a pose and having a stand appear behind him. It has a star motif, and is mainly pink and blue. Wanda and Cosmo both go ‘Oooooooh’. ]

Wanda: That’s incredible! So, what’re you gonna name it, sport?

Cosmo: Ooh! Ooh! Name it Barbara! I’ve always wanted to name something Barbara! 

Timmy: How about...**Find Your Voice**?

Wanda: Sounds perfect! 

Cosmo: A musical reference! Timely AND copyright-protected!

[ Wanda poofs the guidebook into her hands. ]

Wanda: It also says here that every stand has a special ability! So, why don’t you find out what yours is?

Cosmo’s Voice: Wanda’s pants make her look fat!

Wanda: [ She looks at Cosmo, still in the suit. ] Cosmo!

Cosmo: What? I didn't say anything! It was that rat!

[ Cosmo points over at a rat on a garbage can. It runs forwards and leaps into the air, grabbing Cosmo out of the air and sprinting away. ]

Cosmo: Your pants look fiiiiiine! 

[ Pan to Timmy, hunched over and giggling. ]

Timmy: Heheheh, awesome! It looks like I can imitate other peoples’ voices, and it gave me ventriloquy skills! ...Wait, ventriloquy skills?! That’s so lame! Man, I got gypped...Eh, whatever. Maybe I can still use it for something else…?

[ Timmy picks up the stand arrow, and him and Wanda poof away with ‘VENTRILOQUY!’ sound effect. ]

[ Cut to Timmy in class. Mr. Crocker is at the blackboard teaching. ]

Mr. Crocker: And in conclusion, that’s why fairies exist and how I will use their magic to take over the world. Now, if you’ll take out your books and open them to page 72…

Mr. Crocker’s voice: You’ll find that I’m an ear-necked hunchback psycho!

[ The classroom bursts into laughter. Mr. Crocker clenches his fists. ]

Mr. Crocker: WHAT?! I may be ear-necked, I may be hunchbacked, and I may even be a psycho, but...but…

Mr. Crocker’s voice: But I’m also stupid! REAAAAL stupid! 

[ The classroom laughs again. Cut to Timmy with his feet on his desk using his stand to throw Mr. Crocker’s voice to the front of the classroom, grinning. ]

Timmy: This is AWESOME! Now I can make fun of Mr. Crocker without being laughed at for how awful my impressions are!

[ Mr. Crocker turns around, twiddling his fingertips together. ]

Mr. Crocker: Hmph! I’m being made to look like a buffoon in front of a classroom full of children by my own voice? This could only be the work of...FAIRY GODPARENTS!

[ He spazzes out. After calming down, he turns around. The class is silent, watching him. ‘

Mr. Crocker: ...Er...class dismissed! Put your heads down for the next hour while I go scheme!

[ Mr. Crocker opens the window and jumps out, running off into the distance. ]

[ Cut to Timmy laying in bed, playing paddleball with his foot. Cosmo and Wanda are in the goldfish bowl, Cosmo appearing half-eaten. The stand arrow is on Timmy’s windowsill. ]

[ Timmy’s Mom enters. ]

Timmy’s Mom: Timmy, you’ve done nothing but play paddleball with your feet for the last few hours! I want you to take out the garbage right now!

[ Timmy takes out his stand. ]

Timmy’s Mom’s voice: By which I mean, keep doing what you’re doing while I go and take out the trash!

[ Timmy’s Mom stops for a second, processing. ]

Timmy’s Mom: ...Was that my voice? Well, I guess I’d better go and do it then...otherwise Mom will get angry!

[ Timmy’s Mom leaves as Timmy giggles. Cosmo and Wanda poof into their full fairy forms. ]

Wanda: Timmy, don’t you think you’re taking this a little too far? I mean, it feels like you’re kind of taking advantage of your newfound powers like...like…

Cosmo: Like a huge jerk? 

Wanda: Yeah! ...Wait, you got away from the rat?

Cosmo: Not without more rabies...and I also lost my wallet. That rat needed those fifty dollars more than I did, I guess!

Timmy: Relax, guys. I’ll have a little more fun with it tomorrow, and then at the end of the day, I’ll wish it away. Just…[ He yawns. ] lemme sleep first.

Cosmo: Good plan. That rabies is making me drowsy...Hooo…[ He passes out. ]

[ Wanda sighs and poofs them both back into the fishbowl as the lights go out. Timmy falls asleep. ]

[ Cut to outside Timmy’s house. Crocker is holding a small device with a radar on the top. ]

Mr. Crocker: I knew this Magic-Detector that I’ve been working on would come in handy! Anything giving off excess magical energy will show up on the radar! 

[ The radar beeps. ]

Mr. Crocker: It’s picking something up! Could it be...FAIRY GODPARENTS?!

[ Crocker spazzes out and falls into a bush before promptly getting up and walking away. Cut to Crocker holding a ladder and climbing up to Timmy’s window. ]

Mr. Crocker: The strongest signs are coming from Turner’s bedroom window! Lucky thing mother had a ladder left over from her old ladder-delivery service! ...I just wish I didn't have to dig through her closet to get it. It was inhumane! INHUMANE I TELL YOU! 

[ Crocker stops and clears his throat, then forces the window open and looks around before noticing the stand arrow. ] 

Mr. Crocker: AHA! [ He takes it. ] At last...a magical object! FINALLY MINE! HEHEH, HEH, HAHAHEHEHAHAA-WHOAAAAA--

[ As he’s laughing, the ladder leans backward and falls down. Wanda pulls up her sleeping mask. ]

Wanda: Cosmo, did you hear something?

[ Pan to Cosmo, who is tossing and turning in the water. ]

Cosmo: Ahh…!! No...s-stay away, rat…!! No, not the DMV…!! Phillip! Save me!!

[ Wanda looks at the camera, unamused, before going back to sleep. ]

[ Cut to the interior of the Crocker Cave. Crocker is pouring through books. ]

Mr. Crocker: Lucky thing mother’s ladder-delivery service also published supernatural almanacs! Aardvarks...Ares...Armistice...Ah! Arrow! [ He pulls the book up to his face. ] ‘Stand arrow’, eh…? Just get pierced and I get a stand?

[ He is quiet for a second. ]

Mr. Crocker: Could this mean...I could get my OWN FAIRY GODPARENTS?! 

[ Crocker spazzes out, landing in front of the arrow and picking it up. He holds it up as the music swells, before he lowers it and it stops. ]

Mr. Crocker: ...So, what, do I just stab myself with it, or-- [ He nicks the tip of the arrow. ] --YYEEOOOWWWW!! 

[ He convulses before passing out on the ground. There is silence for a moment before he starts to maniacally laugh and slowly get up, a shadow looming from behind him. ]

[ Cut to school. Timmy is laying back with his feet on his desk again, Cosmo and Wanda being a pencil and eraser on his desk. ]

Wanda: So today’s the last day you’ll use that ‘stand’ thing, right Timmy?

Timmy: Yep. Toootally. [ He winks at Cosmo. ]

Cosmo: Oh! I get it! I’d wink back, but I can’t move my eyelids without it hurting. [ He blinks and yelps, his eyes red and watery. ] Aaaarrhh!! Rabiiiess!!

[ The bell rings. Crocker enters with a grin on his face. ]

Mr. Crocker: Good morning class. I’m pleased to announce that there will be no lesson today…

[ The class cheers. ]

Mr. Crocker: ...Because you’ll all be taking a POP QUIZ!

[ The class groans. Mr. Crocker picks up a stack of quizzes and walks past Timmy, who brings out **Find Your Voice**, snickering. ]

Crocker’s voice: I should give Timmy Turner an A+ on this quiz!

Mr. Crocker: Who said that?!

Crocker’s voice: ...Uhh...Me! Your conscience! 

Mr. Crocker: Impossible! I lost my conscience years ago with my dignity and my first sedan! ...But, I suppose it isn’t out of the question.

[ Mr. Crocker steps backwards and stamps Timmy’s paper. ]

Timmy: Oh yeah! I didn’t even have to take the test, and I got...

[ The paper has a big red ‘F’ on it. ]

Timmy: ...An ‘F’?! Hey, what gives?! I thought you wanted to give Timmy Turner an A+!

Mr. Crocker: See, that’s just it! I WAS going to give you an A+...but I now know that if you were to take that quiz, you would get an F anyways! In fact… [ He runs to the front of the classroom and throws up the quizzes. ] You all fail the quiz! Except for AJ.

[ Cut to AJ, who throws up his arms and says ‘Woo-hoo!’ ]

Timmy: But how?! You haven’t even let us take the quiz!

Crocker: I’ll tell you how...I know you’ll all just fail it even if I let you take it! So, why not cut out the middle man? And you, Turner! For trying to fake my dead conscience…

[ Mr. Crocker pulls out a small slip of paper and scribbles on it before sticking it on Timmy’s forehead. He takes it off and reads it. ]

Timmy: “...See me after class”? [ He gulps. ]

[ Cut to after class. The bell rings and everyone leaves...save for Timmy and Mr. Crocker. ]

Mr. Crocker: I bet you’re wondering just HOW exactly I would know the whole class would fail, aren’t you, Turner?

Timmy: ...I mean, not really, you do that kind of stuff every period.

Mr. Crocker: ...True, BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT! See, I snuck around your house last night, and I found…

[ He brandishes the arrow. ]

Mr. Crocker: THIS!

Timmy: THE STAND ARROW?!

Mr. Crocker: Oh, so you DO recognize it...I knew that my own voice turning against me could only be the work of FAIRY GODPARENTS, so I retrieved THIS from your windowsill! 

Timmy: [ He stands up on his desk. **Find Your Voice** comes out. ] Give me that arrow back, Mr. Crocker!

Mr. Crocker: You have one too! I should have known…

Timmy: ...Wait, one ‘too’?

Mr. Crocker: Indeed...You see...I was also pierced by the arrow! And I gained...THIS!

[ Crocker’s stand emerges. It has a motif of big red Fs on it, being chiefly red and white. ] 

Mr. Crocker: I’ve named it **Unfundamentals**! Not only does it allow me to see the future when the end result is failure...it also lets me do THIS!

[ **Unfundamentals** fires large, red Fs at Timmy, who dodges out of the way while grabbing Cosmo and Wanda. The F hits the desk and leaves a large ‘F’ scorched into the tile floor. ]

Mr. Crocker: I see nothing but FAILURE in your future, Turner! And when I fail you for good...You’ll tell me about your FAIRY GODPARENTS!

[ The stand spazzes out in the same way as Crocker before resuming firing Fs. Timmy is running around the classroom, Fs on his tail as he talks to Cosmo and Wanda. ]

Timmy: Guys! What am I supposed to do?!

Wanda: Well, sport, the usual convention goes that a stand can only be defeated by another stand! Plus, damage done to the stand affects the user, too! We can’t help you out, or else we’ll be seen! This is a battle you need to deal with on your own!

Cosmo: Yeah, you got yourself into this mess, you have to get yourself out of it! 

Timmy: Don’t you have a rat to be getting eaten by?

Cosmo: Aahhh!! Don’t remind me! [ Cosmo snaps in half again. ]

[ Timmy stops and turns around, putting Cosmo and Wanda in his pockets. He strikes a pose as **Find Your Voice** emerges. Slowly, he starts walking towards Crocker. ]

Mr. Crocker: Oh? You’re approaching me? Instead of continuing to run away with your tail between your legs, you’re coming right for me?

Timmy: I can’t beat the snot out of you and take the arrow without coming closer!

Mr. Crocker: How bold! A for effort! But we’ll see if you end up passing the rest of the subjects, Turner...come as close as you like! 

[ The two of them lunge for eachother, screaming. ]

Timmy: YYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH!!

Mr. Crocker: AYAYAYAYAAAAAAAAHHHH!!

[ **Unfundamentals ** and **Find Your Voice** perform an attack rush on eachother, **FYV** screaming out ‘YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH’ and **Unfundamentals** yelling the letter ‘F’ over and over again. The two users stop after a bit, panting and glowering at each other. ]

Mr. Crocker: I’ll admit...you’re good, Turner. But let’s see if you can beat my...HOMING F ATTACK!

[ **Unfundamentals** fires a fiery red ‘F’ into the air. Timmy screams and starts to run away, going in circles around the classroom and bobbing and weaving between desks until the F touches down and sends him flying. Crocker uses his stand to catch Timmy and pin him down on the ground. ]

Mr. Crocker: Thought you could get away from me, eh?! It’s a lucky thing mother’s ladder-delivery-and-supernatural-almanac-publishing company ALSO taught me martial arts!

[ He gets Timmy into a headlock, grinning. ]

Mr. Crocker: Now! Give up your fairies, Turner! Or else I’ll have to give you an F in the ultimate subject...LIVING!

[ Timmy struggles, his stand fading out of vision. ]

Wanda: Alright! Alright, you win, Crocker!

Cosmo: We’ll go quietly!

[ Crocker stops and lets go of Timmy. ]

Mr. Crocker: What?! Could that be...the dulcet tones of FAIRY GODPARENTS?! [ He turns around. ] Finally, decades of being an ear-necked hunchback psycho have paid off!

Timmy: ...Sounds like you shouldn’t have flunked out of one subject yourself...CRITICAL THINKING!

[ **Find Your Voice ** punches Crocker in the back of the head, knocking him out and causing **Unfundamentals **to fade away. Timmy stands up. ]

Timmy: You forgot my stand can imitate voices, Mr. Crocker! That’s why you lost...and one more reason.

[ Timmy runs his fingers along the brim of his goofy pink hat. ]

Timmy: ...You really got me angry.

[ Timmy grabs the arrow and holds it up triumphantly. ]

Timmy: Now there’s just one more thing to do...I wish these ‘stand’ things never existed!

[ Cosmo and Wanda’s arms come out of Timmy’s pocket holding their wands. A ‘STANDLESS!’ sound effect fills the screen. ]

[ Cut to the DMV. Timmy is sitting on one of the many empty seats with Cosmo and Wanda as books on his lap. Cosmo is very beat-up. ]

Timmy: You guys were right. I should have listened to you about how dangerous those stand things can be…

Wanda: Aw, it’s alright, Timmy. You didn't know Crocker would end up stealing the arrow. Speaking of which, where did you put that thing, anyways?

Timmy: A place where no one will ever find it.

[ Timmy’s Dad comes into frame. ]

Timmy’s Dad: Timmy!

Timmy: Dad? You’re back from the line!

Timmy’s Dad: Indeed I am! And here’s what I have to show for it! 

[ He holds up his driver’s license. The photo looks awful. ]

Timmy: ...It was just to re-take your driver’s license photo?

Timmy’s Dad: Yep! ...But I ended up sneezing when they were taking the photo. Oh well! We can come back some other day. For now, let’s go home.

Timmy: [ Smiling ] Sounds good to me, dad.

Cosmo: [ Still as a book ] Well, I guess all’s well that ends well! 

[ A mechanical hand belonging to a stand is shot out and grabs Cosmo out from Timmy’s lap, yanking it back to its user...The rat. The rat is holding the arrow in its mouth. ] 

Cosmo: AAAAHHH!! THE RAT!! IT RETUUURNS! THIS IS INHUMANE!! _ INHUMANE I TELL YOOOUUUUUUU!! _

[ Iris-out on Timmy looking confused at the camera. ] 

[ ‘THE END’ slate appears with sound clip of Cosmo yelling ‘RABIES!’’. ]


End file.
